Hi, My Name is Speakership

It seems that I do indeed have some influence over my unborn child, as it was confirmed yesterday that our child is a boy. You’re no doubt impressed by the size of his manhood, though I hope this isn’t foreshadowing of his career path in the shady porn underworld.

I honestly went into the deal yesterday pretty sure it was going to be a girl. There is a laundry list of terrible things I’ve done since I was able to crawl, and when I saw Carson Daly talk about this guy named Karma on the talk show, I thought my number had come. However, it seems that Karma has a sense of humor about my law-breaking, and decided to reward me with an accomplice. Thanks Karma!